» Listings for 2014

1. The Speakmans treat OCD on ITV episode two

   Posted on 6:41pm Tuesday 15th Jul 2014

   Yesterday the Speakmans new TV show began on ITV. They started by helping a young girl who suffered from emetophobia, a fear of being sick.

   Today they met Ashlea who has a form of OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder which means that her life is ruled in a way that many would find alarming. Her issues started at about the age of 8 when she started touching and smelling objects. Now she still does this on a daily basis because she believes that if she does not then something bad will happen to her or her family. When she goes upstairs in her home she has to bite the banister three times at the bottom and the top. If she feels that she did not bite it properly then she will start the ritual again. As she herself stated "it's kind of my daily living now"

   Her husband Brian finds that it can be frustrating to be married to someone suffering from OCD. It can take hours for her to get ready and to check everything before they go out.

   Just when we thought we had heard it all she confessed that when walking the dog she would want to bite the bag with dog waste in. She said that doing it would give her relief...until the next hurdle.

   Being ruled by these rituals means that when she is driving she will often take her hand off the wheel to touch buttons with both hands. The voiceover stated that this was dangerous for her. Perhaps he could have explained that it is also dangerous for other road users and pedestrians too.

   She travelled to the country pile of Nik and Eva Speakman..Speakman, Hall to get some help. As a Clinical Hypnotherapist who has just watched how severe her traume is I have to say I was surprised that she found it so easy to visit a new place and walk inside and sit on their sofa without biting or touching anything. Perhaps we just didn't see this in the edit.

   The Speakmans asked her what the issue was and explained that they had seen her notes. I suppose they could also have watched the video that we all just watched but I am sure there was a reason that they did not do that.

   Both Ashlea and Brian spoke to the Speakmans together. This does seem to be their modus operandi and is an interesting approach. Often, of course the last person a client wants to be with is someone that they feel may stop them from being honest. When a problem is caused or made worse by someone close then it may well be better for that person to not be around during therapy.

   She told us that she gets the worse comments when driving. It seemed like she was not taking much responsibility for those around her. I do feel that If I was a danger in a car to others then I wouldn't be driving that car until I had sought help.

   Whilst talking about her life she stated that her parents divorced when she was seven and that is when the OCD problems started.

   At this point we are told that Ashlea's mother and step father had only just learnt about her OCD issues. Again, as a Clinical Hypnotherapist this sets alarm bells ringing a little because it would be very hard to hide this from your family, especially when you are biting banisters and taking the paint off them.

   Ashlea stated that when anything bad happens in her family then she blames herself. Even when her mother was diagnosed with cancer she thought that this was because she had missed something in her rituals. After talking it emerged that her mother had lung cancer and admitted that she smoked and knew this was the cause.

   The Speakmans had asked them all to write letters to each other which they read out for us all to hear. From what I have seen it appears that this would be the first time that they had really talked about the issues and how they cause problems for everyone. When working with clients I always explore how they deal with family and friends and how the knowledge of a situation affects it. Often people are scared of what will happen when they talk and open up. In reality this often makes things much easier to bear and helps everyone to see how each feels.

   The Speakmans concluded that it was a family who did not communicate. I think we could all agree with that therapist or not. There is a lesson to learn for some people from that I believe!

   She had told them that she hears a voice telling her to do these things. It emerged that the voice was that of her mother and she felt that she was being told to do them.

   Nobody wants bad things to happen.

   Nik Speakman told Ashlea that the OCD did not cause her mother's cancer, and had that been the case they would have called Ashlea in to perform her rituals to make her better. Actually this seems a great way to help reframe the thought of this and show her how the reality is.

   The first time that she tapped a banister when when her parents were breaking up at the age of eight. They pointed out that if that was to keep them together then it didn't work!

   They then whipped out a picture of a Mayan temple and showed us that although they thought the world would end in 2012 it did not. An interesting approach I thought, as they explained that sacrificing someone every night did not make any difference to what happened in the world.

   So, this was all traced back to the initial event of her parents splitting up. She is now 25 but has carried this with her.

   At this point they told her "All you have to do is grow up, and become a woman" 

   It is important to bear in mind that we only see an edited version of the show and of course there are probably many hours of talking that we do not see and other interventions that the Speakmans do not want to show us.

   They did in fact offer to let her sacrifice their pet goat...but she declined!

   They then brought out several items for her to bite and she did not want to bite any of them, She stated that she felt very stupid. This is interesting because often people do feel foolish for having problems and she didn't seem to feel this way before.

   They talked about memories and how they felt different now, which did show me that they have also used therapies that we have not seen to help her deal with her issues. It is a shame that they do not want to show us this part of what they do. Talking is a very important part of therapy but there are also other aspects and tools which I use and the Speakmans also use which for some reason they do not seem to want people to see. Why this is, I do not know.

   To celebrate her losing the OCD problem the Speakmans took her to a car racetrack. I perhaps would have wanted to know how she was going to drive on a normal road, but that would probably make less interesting viewing! Of course it wasn't her car they were in and that is the one where she had rituals but I am sure that they knew this and took it into account.

   Off she drove and we watched her leaving her rituals and routines about OCD in the past.

   We were treated to the "getting her life back on track" metaphor as we watched her race around keeping her hands on the steering wheel. I was once lucky enought to race a car round Silverstone and I kept my hands on the wheel too.

   We were then treated to a clip of the next episode where they help a lady who suffers from hair pulling or trichotillomania. I look forward to seeing their approach.

   Another interesting episode which does help to show people that you do not need to live with any problem. Always ask for help. As ever I do feel that we miss a lot of the therapy but that is the nature of any television programme. If you would like any help and advice do drop me an email and I would be happy to help.

    

2. The Speakmans Episode one on ITV review

   Posted on 2:23pm Monday 14th Jul 2014

   The Speakmans are Nik and Eva Speakman and their new television show named.."The Speakmans" started today on ITV. They are both regular guests on This Morning and sit on the sofa with Phil and Holly helping people to overcome phobias.

   This Television show is telling us that they are allowing cameras into their therapy sessions for the first time. As a Clinical Hypnotherapist it is always interesting to see the techniques that other therapists are using. We can all learn from other people and everyone has a different experience.

   This episode featured Becky who suffers from emetophobia, or a fear of being sick. This first happened at a horse riding show according to her mother. Now eight years later she told us that she thinks about being sick from the moment she wakes up to the moment she goes to sleep. She takes laxatives and has even burnt herself from having a hot water bottle against her. She finds it hard to hold down a job. Her older sister Charlotte wanted her to be a maid of honour at her wedding and yet she was unable to even put her bags in the car on the day. She simply could not make it to the wedding. This of course also created a problem in their relationship. Not having her sister with her on her big day was the final straw. After years of watching Becky get all the support she has come to the end of her tether. Now the sisters are finding that their relationship is at risk.

   Another person who suffers is her soldier boyfriend Chris. He lives in a house that was bought for them and yet Becky needs to live with her mother. She listed all the different therapies that she has undergone and says that none of them has worked. As a therapist I am always aware that the relationship with the therapist is so very important. The wrong therapist could make the issue worse. Now that she is seeing another therapist, or a pair in this case, then it is very interesting to see what approach they will take.

   The Speakmans travel to Suffolk to help Becky overcome her emetophobia.

   The Speakmans had to travel to their client as Becky would not normally leave the house. She explained to them how her phobia has taken over her life. She stated that she began having panic attacks from the age of 18. They asked her about what could have happened to start this fear off. Becky explained that she drank a bottle of medicine at the age of three and had to go to hospital and was made to throw up. Her mother recalled that she had to drive her to hospital quickly and that she had to hold on to her leg as she drove because she did not want her to go to sleep. Becky said that she can see herself being sick at the time. When she has panic attacks then the feeling also seems similar. She can have several attacks a day so she will now not leave the house.

   Her mother Susan said that she has been through so many emotions that one time she even slapped her daughter around the face to shock her into snapping out of it. She said that she feels disappointed and hurt. She was also upset that Becky did not go to her father's funeral. She said "I don't expect anything of her".  In many ways as an observer it did seem that this emotional meeting was the first time that the mother and daughter had spoken together and to each other. Of course, we only see an edited version.

   Nik Speakman pointed out that the mother said that it was ok for her not to get better. Her mother is in fact helping the situation to continue by putting the idea in her head that if she doesn't change that is ok. Of course it isn't ok for it to continue for Becky. Like many relatives it can become easy to help someone you love suffer by reinforcing the problem. Her mother did admit that it was the first time she had thought of it like that. I often find with clients that they start to see situations differently when they are challenged on their thinking and these small changes can really help people to move forward.

   Her mother still feels guilty even though of course it was an accident.

   The Speakmans then met with her sister Charlotte alongside Becky and Her mother. It was clear that Charlotte feels that she has not had her fair share of attention from her mother because of the situation. Becky spoke about her boyfriend Chris and how she moved in for two weeks and then came back home to where her comfort zone is. She was challenged as to whether the real comfort is her mother and that her mother is the thing that has become a habit.

   What seemed to be appearing was that her mother is still taking the guilt about what happened and with the best intentions letting it rule the lives of everyone in the family.

   Having the whole family together is a very interesting approach and does seem to mean that the therapy advances more quickly than it would do otherwise. Often when you speak to those who are around you can start to see their feelings and how they are changing the situation.

   Becky and her family were asked to write down how they feel and then read the letter to each other. I was interested to see that Becky was quite closed and detached when listening and I am unsure as to why the Speakmans did not challenge her or ask her how she felt about this. Perhaps we just didn't have time to see this within the framework of the programme.

   They also played a video message from her boyfriend Chris in Afghanistan. This seemed to affect Becky a little more. She stated that she wanted to be fine by the time that he came back.

   If you suffer from panic attacks you can now download a FREE MP3 to help you: click HERE.. How to Stop a Panic Attack

   "Are you ready to change?"

     So, emotional mediation over it was time for the rest of the family to leave and Becky was left with Nik and Eva Speakman to continue the therapy. It seemed that finally the mother was able to see that she was the one who was making it worse. Becky was given a gift box which represented the choices that she had made in her life. There was a picture of her and Chris ripped down the middle. There was a picture of her sister's wedding where of course she did not attend. She talked through how she knew she had affected everyone by not attending. It was clear that she had never really spoken to her sister about it and cleared the air. There was a card with "sorry Grandad" written in it by the Speakmans. This clearly designed to get Becky talking about not attending her Grandad's funeral. and then a box with some medicine like that she swallowed, a pair of handcuffs to obviously symbolise how she is chained to the past, and some baby clothes.

   There was also an alternative box..this was the way that things could be. Becky said that she didn't want the other box around. She said "I've never seen it like that" This is one of the things that happens all of the time with clients. Sometimes we can't see the wood for the trees and we need someone else to help open our eyes to what is happening.  This second box had a horseshoe and pictures of her showjumping. These brought back happy memories of her life and the freedom that she used to have.

   After talking about panic attacks the Speakmans challenged Becky to have a panic attack. She of course was not able to do this. I find a similar thing happens when I help work with clients who suffer panic attacks. Once we have been through processes which change the way that you see a panic attack then they become harder to have. That familiarity of having a panic attack and practice can be let go. Your body and mind won't allow you to panic any more once you realise that you don't need to have them.

   In the box was a photo of her and her boyfriend cut into a heart shape which she liked. They then asked her which box she would choose.

   She chose the box full of the positives and the pictures about the positive future rather than holding onto the negative past.

   Life gets easy

   Next they took Becky to the front door and handcuffed her to it. Yes, really! They asked if she wanted to be released. Once they explained that at the hospital the medicine saved her life. She started that "I've never thought about it like that". Again this is something that therapists see all the time. They asked her if she would like to go and see her horses. The also told us there was another surprise waiting for her. Having watched a lot of television it may have been clear what that surprise would be to me, but clearly not to Becky yet!

   They took Becky out to the stables to see the horse. She sat in the car holding Nik Speakman's hand as they arrived.  Clearly she was still a little nervous but bearing in mind that the therapy only started that morning it was hardly surprising. Her mother and sister were waiting for her and we saw the touching moment where they embraced. We watched Becky riding her horse and being so happy. Then of course the final surprise which was that her boyfriend Chris was there too.

   It's hard not to get misty eyed at the reunion of the couple.

   It is really great to see the changes that can be made to the lives of people who think that things cannot change. I love it when the media cover issues and show that we can all learn and benefit. Well done to the Speakmans and to ITV for showing the programme. I am already looking forward to the next episode. If you have a fear or a phobia then you don't need to suffer alone. Never be afraid to ask for help.

    

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